summer, you're fired

If there's one thing I'm good at, it's being inappropriately dressed.

Take today, for instance. I almost cartwheeled out of bed when my Weather app told me it was going to be 62 degrees and rainy. Then I realized my phone still thought I was in Seattle. Three swipes to the right and I was back in NYC. To my dismay, the forecast read: "Heavy clouds, high of 81 degrees". 

Suddenly blind with rage, I was tempted to hurl my phone against the wall and smite (yes, smite!) whoever tricked me into thinking this week was going to be cold. So much for the first week of Fall, you damn liars! If you ask me, the only thing more annoying than mixed weather reports is being told that the dress code for the day is "business casual". In both situations I immediately turn into an angry baby kitten, helpless and incapable of making any decisions.

We are hours away from October and yet, for some godforsaken reason, NYC is still clinging to 70-degree weather for dear life - and I can't take it any longer! Bring on the rain! Bring on the wool socks! Bring on those weird neck warmer things that go up to your eyeballs! 

Summer, I HAVE HAD IT.

After enduring a lifetime of mixed forecasts (85 degrees with heavy afternoon showers! 38 degrees and sunny!)I now know how to successfully screw up every outfit I put on. When I was in high school I was convinced that I actually was Mother Nature (in some pseudo, backwards way). No matter what I wore, 10/10 times I would end up paying for it. It was me vs. the weather. Heather's wearing a jacket today? BURNING HOT SUN RAYS OF DEATH. She left the house in a t-shirt? HURRICANE IT IS! All anyone had to do to enjoy a nice, sunny afternoon was ask me to put on a parka.

I think it's fair to say that I've spent 99% of my life feeling slightly uncomfortable, overdressed, and sweaty. 

Fall is the only season I'm good at. I know exactly what to do in Fall - how many layers to put on, what the appropriate shoes are, how many times to wrap my scarf around my head. Fall I can do.

Oh, Fall. Where are you?