on independency and taking yourself to dinner

Monday, September 30, 2013

so yesterday was sunday afternoon and it was pouring rain and we'd been in pajamas all day watching football and i figured it was about time to do some blogging.

i really didn't plan on disappearing for two weeks. it just sort of happened. j was out of town for awhile and i actually made all these grand plans to blog every day. every day! but one thing led to another and apparently, by 'made' i really meant 'imagined'. for whatever reason, it just didn't happen.

instead i spent a lot of quality time with myself.

if we're being honest (and i think that we are), i was pretty bummed when he left. j is my person. my do-everything-with person. so when he wasn't around all of a sudden, i was kind of at a loss for what to do. the apartment felt big and empty and the bed was way too big for just me. needless to say, it didn't take long for me to throw myself a nice little pity party. there was cake and everything.

melodrama, party of one.

so anyhow, after moping and pouting around the apartment for a little while, i decided to snap out of it and put my big girl pants on. i am an independent woman! (or so i declared - loudly - to all the plants in the living room) instead of thinking of two-weeks-at-home-by-myself as being lonely, i decided that it would be great. and it was.

i cleaned out my closet. wrote some long overdue letters. rode my bike with no destination in mind. went on runs. took a train ride to visit some of my very favorite people. started watching 'mad men' (which may or may not have accidentally taken up most of my me-time). picked up a few extra shifts at work. took a bath. lit some candles.

my biggest accomplishment of the week (drum roll, please) was going out to dinner - by myself.

it used to make me sad to see people eating in restaurants alone. but i have to say, there was something very liberating about it. i won't lie. the waitress did give me a couple of strange looks (are you sure there isn't anyone else joining you?). and i couldn't help but wonder if i looked like one of those people that used to make me sad. but! there was something really reassuring about the whole evening. i took my time. did some people-watching. ordered a tall glass of wine.

hot date, party of one.

i like to think of myself as a strong, independent woman. a feminist. you can do it! yes we can! go women, go! you know, someone who can stand on her own two feet. but when j left, i was actually sad. and if you ask me, that calls for a red flag. it's one thing to miss someone, and another to feel like you can't have any fun if they aren't around. after all, what kind of strong, independent woman depends so much on another person for her happiness?

it would be silly to say that a big giant part of my happiness doesn't come from j. of course it does! (didn't i tell you? he's my person) but during these past few weeks i remembered that i am my person, too. that being on my own isn't just okay, but actually really good (for me, and my relationship). it was a good lesson. a reminder that, you can do things by yourself. you create your own happiness. you are enough.


  1. go you!! i love this and totally agree. it's very empowering. xoxo

  2. awwwwh this post resonated with me. I'm in a long distance relationship and don't see my boyfriend 80% of the time. you would think I would be more comfortable with not having him around, but it always feels weird. like you said, he's my person. it's tough to resist the pity parties but kudos to you! I have to try taking myself to dinner soon

  3. this is so amazing! i also relate to this, so all of this is perfect. my boyfriend is a filmmaker, so he travels A LOT. i am lucky to have him for a whole three weeks before he is whisked off to some new place. like your j, he is my person. i have really had to learn what "me" time is, and it really is wonderful. yeah, i sometimes throw the occasional pity party, but for the most part i am making sure that i am doing the things i want to do, and not just anxiously counting down the days until he comes home (although, i still count the days). this was just worded so perfectly, and i'm going to remember to come back in read this on those pity party days... hopefully! haha but seriously, you are awesome! thank you for this post :)

  4. I am currently a week into a 3-month long separation from Boy, and I'm feeling kind of the same way. I don't think that makes me less of a strong, independent woman though - I can still do my own thing. I just think of him often.

    But going out to dinner sounds like just the right out-of-my-comfort zone I need... I'm going to give it a try in the next few weeks.

  5. That's so good! I don't think I would mind eating alone either, it it quite nice actually, especially with a sketchbookxx

  6. Wow, I really love this. I'll be experiencing the same thing next year when my boyfriend leaves for basic training, and it's so good to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I absolutely agree that it's incredibly important to be independent so you don't completely shut down when your significant other goes away. I'm definitely bookmarking this for next year! Thanks so much for sharing this.

  7. I love this post! Going out by myself is one of my favourite things to do. Turns out, I'm spectacular company!

  8. oh, what a great post. love it. i have often felt sad for those who eat alone at restaurants, too. now i'm eager to be one of them.

  9. this is great! not only is it kind of fun and confidence-building to do that, but you can also be a much happier, better partner and wife when you're totally cool with yourself. I know that for a fact.

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  11. you are darling! your blog is beautiful


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